And "truly awful" is a great way to describe them. The Mistle-Tones, for instance, is even dumber than you would imagine, and I'm guessing you would imagine it's pretty dumb. Don't even get me started on this shithole called Christmas Crush I just watched. It stars Aaron Samuels as the allegedly uncool, platonic best friend of the main character, a goddamn hot guy that she's NEVER realized is hot. Please.
I was about 10 minutes into Holidaze when I had a revelation: All of these movies are the exact same thing. Perhaps that why I flock to them every
Take a shot for each of the following:
- A career woman/man realizes there's more to life than their career.
- An old boyfriend or ex-husband becomes the love interest you never knew you needed.
- A group of people perform a Christmas song and dance for no apparent reason.
- People fall in love while ice skating, usually because the woman starts to fall and the man supports her, metaphorically and literally.
- An unlikely couple finds themselves standing under a sprig of mistletoe, briefly consider kissing each other, then scoff and turn away comedically.
- Someone sings or listens to "All I Want For Christmas Is You."
- You realize the plot is just an interpretation of A Christmas Carol, Cinderella, Groundhog Day, etc.
- Someone finds out they're dating Santa OR someone finds out they are Santa.
- Musical interlude with a cookie-baking and/or tree-trimming montage.
- People buy, wrap, and exchange gifts but you never actually get to see what's inside any of the boxes.
- Melissa Joan Hart shows up.
- Something magical/supernatural happens to the main character and they spend a lot of energy trying to hide it from everyone else because that makes sense.
- A snowstorm forces two people together and by the end of the movie they're soulmates.
- Women wear stylish sweaters and capelets outside instead of winter coats and the friggin space suits REAL people have to wear in the wintertime.
- A twenty-something goes home for the holidays and her parents express concern about her lack of a boyfriend.
- The movie ends before we even get to Christmas Day because what a letdown.
Bonus Points: Drink a whole bottle of eggnog and lament the end of the golden age of Hollywood for each of the following:
* The heroine slips and falls, juggles a huge stack of presents, or does something else adorably clumsy.
* The prodigal main character goes home to some small town (he/she now lives in The City and can barely be bothered to grace those country bumpkins with his/her presence for Christmas) and then realizes The City is nowhere near as amazing and heartwarming as the small hometown which probably doesn't even have a Starbucks.
* A cold-hearted person learns that putting up with your family is better than meeting any of your goals. (Seriously what do TV Christmas movies have against career-oriented individuals??)
* Someone returns home for the holidays with a fake boyfriend/girlfriend because arriving single is literally worse than kidnapping someone and/or hiring an escort.