Tuesday, June 24, 2014

The Secrets to a Happy Marriage

"This couple got married two years ago and you won't believe what they learned!" At the risk of sounding like an Upworthy post (or I guess now the new thing is Clickhole), I'd like to share with you the secrets to a happy marriage. I know the secrets because I've been married for two years as of this week, and therefore I am all-knowing when it comes to marital happiness. Usually I tell people to take my advice with a grain of salt, but this advice is guaranteed to bring you a lifetime of happiness.

Stop holding hands in public.
Sometimes when I see couples holding hands I glance wistfully at my husband's hand, which is not in my own, and recall happier times when we couldn't go anywhere unless it was hand-in-hand. After a while we gave that habit up because it was unnecessarily limiting. The asshats from 40 Days of Dating challenged themselves to hold hands for 8 hours straight, and it made everything more difficult, from going to the bathroom to doing handstands (which, seriously, isn't something you need to do, even if you have use of both hands). Plus, most couples have height discrepancies and different arm lengths, which makes walking hand-in-hand difficult. So stop pressuring yourself to hold hands and just enjoy your ability to freely swing your arms back and forth. It's liberating.