My commute to work took 45 minutes this morning. I live two miles away. I've decided that a long commute over two miles is exponentially worse than a long commute over, say, 20 miles. When I can literally see my office out my windshield but know it'll be the better part of an hour before I can dust off the ol' keyboard and get some work done, I feel like punching someone in the throat.
The problem isn't necessarily the traffic or the construction or even the amount of time it takes me to drive those two miles. The real problem is that every single driver on every single road at any given time is a terrible driver, except me. How did I happen to become the only good driver in the world? I have no clue, but it's a heavy cross to bear. Sure, I make mistakes sometimes, but mine are understandable, excusable. These other asshats who think they're people make egregious moving violations on the reg. There is no excuse for them. For example:
When construction causes the lanes to get all wonky, many drivers decide to just disregard the lane markings completely. Sure, the road shifts left, but why should I have to shift left along with it? they think. It's a free country. So they continue going straight, right into my lane, and I'm expected to let them in politely? As the great Cher Horowitz once said, "I don't think so." Now, sometimes I get confused about what lane I'm in, because these lane markings truly are wonky. It's like an advanced level of Mario Kart up in here! So occasionally I'll drift into the wrong lane if I'm not accustomed to the new "traffic pattern." But when I do it, it's because I'm confused, not because I'm an asshat. Do you see the distinction?
Don't even get me started on the people who just don't move their cars at all because they're too busy playing Candy Crush on their cell phone to notice the light's changed. Look, if you're distracted by your phone or hitting that high note in a Bruno Mars song or the drive-thru ice cream you couldn't wait to get home to eat, or whatever, you're not only being an inconsiderate driver, but you're a danger/menace to society. Put the phone down, stop downing out Bruno, and for God's sake, learn how to eat and drive at the same time. It's not hard. I've certainly done my fair share of it and you don't see me holding up traffic to lick an errant drop of soft-serve from my wrist. I'm a professional.
Photo by Jennifer Shaffer Photography
Look at how professionally I bit that piece of cake.
Who else is the only good driver on the road?