My book got its first review on Amazon! (By the way, this blog isn't going to become a never-ending infomercial for a 44-page eBook, I promise.) I'm going to give this review 5 stars, not because she gave me 5 stars, but because it was the first one and I'm giddy.
First off, I'd like to comment on the review title. I'm sorry it's so short, gravel gertie! I know when people complain about a book being too short, they usually mean it as a compliment because they're insatiable for more. But I feel a little insecure asking people to buy an eBook that they can get through in one sitting (or one shitting, if they read it on the toilet). In consolation, I'm going to be really douchey and say that if you want more, just read through my archives and subscribe for future posts; it's free! God, that was self-aggrandizing of me, wasn't it? Sorry, I just don't know how to deal with the fact that people are insatiable for my art. I also wrote another post for Thought Catalog about my experience getting a psychic reading, so check that out if you haven't seen it. I quite enjoyed writing it.
Now let's move on to her first sentence. All true. My book is great (in the sense that it's life-changing, not large), it is a collection, and I think it's safe to say that it's chock full of wry and amusing observations. I just realized I don't think I've ever used the word "wry" before. Possibly because it reminds me of rye bread, which is similar to pumpernickel bread, which always fools me into thinking it's made of chocolate, and I assure you it's the farthest thing. I should have included pumpernickel bread under Food I Don't Understand. Why/how is it so brown?! (Okay, I just looked it up on Wikipedia, and they're citing the Maillard reaction. They're also saying it does have a chocolatey flavor. Go home, Wikipedia. You are clearly drunk.)
Anyway, thank you, gravel gertie, for calling my take on life "funny" and for naming it a "great read." I truly appreciate your positive review (and since I have no idea who you are, I'm going to assume it was an honest review too :).
If you read my book and feel like leaving a review, I would greatly appreciate yours too. And if you thought it sucked, I would even appreciate a negative review, unless you're a troll. I'm game for constructive criticism.