Monday, June 10, 2013

Missing Blogger Returns to Blogosphere

The internet was abuzz Friday after popular humor blogger, Karisa Tells All, went more than a week without publishing a post. Karisa, devastatingly beautiful and with intimidatingly shiny hair, is one of the mainstays of the internet blogging community.

"It's the first blog I read in the morning and the last I check at night," one reader said. "Her writing just speaks to me, you know?"

Often compared to the genius of Ernest Hemingway and Tina Fey, Karisa's writing has been known to provoke a chuckle, a titter or even a chortle from anyone who clicked through.

"I legit can't even handle it," another reader said. "No one else could deconstruct Nickelback so eloquently. No one else could write so honestly, dare I say poignantly, about tripping and falling."


But the award-winning blog covered more than just humorous anecdotes. Karisa Tells All has also featured harrowing tales of Karisa's encounters with spiders and the darkest bowels of Wikipedia.

Missing from the internet since May 30, Karisa's whereabouts are being widely speculated.

"I heard someone saw her at a Milwaukee emergency room last Wednesday night," a source reported. "Word on the street is her husband sliced his finger off."

Other sources report seeing her as far away as San Francisco, refusing to drop coins into one of those creepy street performer's hats, bingeing on clam chowder and participating in other tourist activities. She was allegedly also spotted teetering down a hill in Napa, blowing her life savings on wine and cheese.

The latest post on her blog, titled "Woe is Me," expressed her struggles with a recent bout of melancholy.

"I'm having one of those weeks where I feel sad for no reason," she wrote in the post, leaving readers worried for her well-being.

"I just want to make sure she's okay," a reader confirmed. "Well, if we're being honest, I'm just curious. I love me some internet gossip as much as the next guy," she added. "This is off the record, right?"

Karisa was located in her home late Sunday night attacking a Jimmy John's sandwich, surrounded by suitcases.

"It honestly didn't even cross my mind that the internet would notice my absence," Karisa said. "Of course I hoped, and yeah I prayed, that people might miss me while I was in California. But I'm pleasantly--uh, I'm surprised by the outpouring of concern."

Addressing the rumours surrounding her hiatus, Karisa denies that her husband currently has any fewer than ten fingers. "The clam chowder part, however, is very accurate," she said.



7 comments:

  1. Ha! I did notice you were gone, but just figured life took over for a bit. Glad you had a great vacation!

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  2. haha Hope you had fun in SF/Napa! It's one of my favorite places.

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  3. You are hilarious, and for the record I missed you!

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  4. I hope you had a great time! Glad you're back!

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  5. YAY! Glad you're back dude. Checking you off the prayer list at my church now, yo. Whew!

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    1. Haha it was your comment that inspired me to write this! I was like, someone misses me? Nice!

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  6. Excited to have you back and to hear about your Napa adventures!

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