Saturday, June 22, 2013

Create Education Better

I know I'm really late on this, but I just have to quickly weigh in on the Miss Utah controversy.

During the interview portion of the Miss USA pageant, Marisa Powell gave a barely coherent answer relating to the pay gap, smiling sheepishly in the middle of her answer as if acknowledging that she knows she sounds like an idiot. America skewered her for it.

I would just like to say, Marisa Powell, that I feel ya. I sound like this every time I talk to anyone. Which is why I write.

I commend you.

Thursday, June 20, 2013

Getting a Haircut is Awkward

If I didn't know any better, I would accuse myself of purposely creating awkward experiences just for the blog fodder. I can't get through a day without doing something humiliating. I can't even get a haircut without it being the most awkward experience of my life.

So last week I decided to get a haircut, and I was already really nervous to go because I had to drive on the highway and park downtown all alone, and driving terrifies me for no reason. So when I managed to get there on time without crashing my car or getting a moving violation, I was pretty proud of myself. Unfortunately, the driving was the least of my worries.

1:58 PM The receptionist has me fill out a new client questionnaire that includes questions like "what do you love about your hair?" and "what activities do you enjoy?" I couldn't fit all of my answers to the first question, and I had trouble coming up with answers for the second one. Does gazing lovingly at my hair in the mirror count as an activity?

2:00 PM I ask the receptionist where the bathroom is. She dictates a series of hallways and turns to take, and doors to open, and somehow I comprehend none of what she says. Instead, I find myself wandering through their spa and come this close to opening the door of one of their spa rooms, which probably housed a naked person getting a sensual, naked massage. I'm glad I thought better of that.

Could you find the bathroom in this hallway? No.

Tuesday, June 18, 2013

Things I Did in California

Watched this bird attack a bread bowl.

Attacked a bread bowl myself, right after I finished attacking the clam chowder that it held, before which I had proclaimed my inability to ever finish it.

Saw some sea lions in love.

Monday, June 10, 2013

Missing Blogger Returns to Blogosphere

The internet was abuzz Friday after popular humor blogger, Karisa Tells All, went more than a week without publishing a post. Karisa, devastatingly beautiful and with intimidatingly shiny hair, is one of the mainstays of the internet blogging community.

"It's the first blog I read in the morning and the last I check at night," one reader said. "Her writing just speaks to me, you know?"

Often compared to the genius of Ernest Hemingway and Tina Fey, Karisa's writing has been known to provoke a chuckle, a titter or even a chortle from anyone who clicked through.

"I legit can't even handle it," another reader said. "No one else could deconstruct Nickelback so eloquently. No one else could write so honestly, dare I say poignantly, about tripping and falling."