I blame Harry Potter, Charmed, The Craft, and basically the entire WB lineup for my obsession with witchcraft. Witches were for my generation what vampires are for today's tweens. So just count your blessings that I didn't think I was a literal vampire.
My friend Amanda* and I decided to buy a book of spells. We stumbled upon it at the mall bookstore one day. It wasn't even hiding in the creepy Occult section--it was right out in the open on a display table. We convinced ourselves that we weren't creeps for buying it, because clearly witchcraft was having a moment. We were just following the trend!
And you can still buy it on Amazon
One night Amanda came over to my house and we cracked open the book. We both had major crushes on boys who barely knew we existed, and something needed to be done about that. The boy I liked was in my English class at school--he had unruly "longish" hair, a face full of pimples, and a seemingly endless supply of black band t-shirts. The guy Amanda liked was her lab partner and a pre-hipster, since hipsters hadn't been invented yet.
We flipped through the Love Spell section, trying to figure out which spell was appropriate. We didn't want to end a lovers' quarrel--hard to do when you don't have a lover--and we didn't want to prevent a divorce since we weren't married. We didn't have access to an onion bulb, a lock of our lover's hair, or any magical essential oils, and we didn't want to spend several weeks moving salt and pepper shakers closer together. So that narrowed it down quite a bit. We finally decided to use the spell "To Attract The One You Love."
All it required was a white votive candle, a glass cup, and a lack of dignity. So we lit the candle, placed it in the cup, and willed the flame to rise. We repeated the chant, though the flame did not rise, and waited for the phone to ring. The guy I liked didn't have my phone number or even know my name, and there was no way for the guy she liked to have known she was at my house, let alone knowing my phone number. And yet, we waited with bated breath. Surely one or both would call any minute. I mean, we were doing magic. Wasn't that the whole point of magic? That crazy, unexplainable things could happen? They might even three-way call us, for all we knew!
After a few minutes of chanting and using our passion to will the flame to grow, we grew bored. So we abandoned the candle and moved to the living room to watch the VHS we'd rented from Blockbuster.
Seven years later, I was at a party in college, and I saw a hipster wearing one of his pant legs rolled up, sipping a PBR. He looks familiar, I thought. Where do I know him from? I spent most of the party trying to figure out where I knew him from, until it finally hit me.
"Oh, my God, you guys! See that guy over there?? My friend Amanda cast a love spell on him in 9th grade!" Just then he put his arm around a female hipster who was wearing a bohemian headband around her forehead. She looked like the type to have dabbled in love spells herself. Perhaps she was more diligent than we had been.
I have no idea what became of the guy I cast the love spell on. But I'm assuming, at this point, that he's not going to call.
*Not her real name. Also not the same Amanda from other stories.