Thursday, March 28, 2013

The Time I Got Kicked Out of a Bar

**Note: I technically didn't get kicked out of a bar, but I think we can agree that my chosen title is better than "The Time My Friend Got Kicked Out of a Bar."**

I love Bruno Mars.

I don't love him the same way I loved Leonardo DiCaprio in 1997 or Dustin Hoffman in 2010 or my husband today. I don't think he's particularly good looking, though I wouldn't kick him out o bed for eating crackers either. And while he is a talented singer, talented singers are a dime a dozen these days (though it should be noted that he has the voice of an angel).

 Image via Glam UK

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Ridiculous Things I Believed As a Child

That a slice of American cheese on a piece of Wonder Bread, melted in the microwave, was a meal.

That birds sometimes accidentally flew so high they ended up in heaven, and God politely sent them back down where they belong instead of yelling at them, because he was a merciful God.

That Koala Yummies were going to stop being made very soon, and we should buy them every time we saw them at the store just in case it was the last time.

Image via Amazon, where you can still buy them today!
Now that you mention it, I should refuse to eat any food that doesn't have "yummies" in the name, just to be safe.

Friday, March 22, 2013

The Alcohol Diaries: Part 3

Lent is still going strong, which means I'm still not drinking. Catch up on the series here, here, and here.

Day 23: I order a Diet Coke at a work happy hour. Pros: I was able to pay for my drink using the $2 I had in my pocket, and free refills! Cons: My happy hour was more of a content hour. Everyone else seemed pretty happy though. After happy hour, Chris and I hit up the liquor store in preparation for his birthday party. Surrounded by aisles and aisles of the sweet, sweet nectar of Satan, I purchase a bottle of sparkling grape juice.

Day 24: Chris's Quarter Life Crisis Party is tonight. I drink more sparkling grape juice than I ever thought possible. The party is a success, and I have a rockin' good time.

Sixth Official Insight: I am capable of getting drunk by osmosis, and the joviality of the other party-goers was enough to provide me with a rockin' (yet sober) good time. I'll take it!

Monday, March 18, 2013

A Quarter Life Crisis Party

Last week we celebrated Chris's 25th birthday by throwing our first party in the new house. (You'll recall that he also had a birthday three years ago.) Despite the fact that I can't drink, I pulled out all the stops with cocktail ingredients. I'm talking four different garnishes, more 2-liter bottles of pop than you'd ever know what to do with, grenadine, simple syrup, the works. We even bought bitters. That's how you know we're legit. Oh, and there was a muddler involved. You all know how much I respect a muddled cocktail.

Saturday, March 16, 2013

The Alcohol Diaries: Part 2

Catch up on my previous editions of The Alcohol Diaries here and here.

Day 12: Pretty much every time Adele performs at an awards show, I raise my glass (spilling it everywhere) and shed a drunken tear over how beautiful she is, and how amazing her voice is, and how, if I could have one wish, I would just be her. At this year's Oscars, her performance didn't move me in the least, and that's because I didn't have a glass to raise.

Day 14: Chris decided to have a before-dinner drink tonight, as if we're in the 1960s. I love the 1960s! I want to pretend too! I could even put on my Mad Men earrings and make deviled eggs!

 Photo via Huffington Post
Why can't this be my life?? Side note: I need to take up smoking too.

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

The Alcohol Diaries: Part 1

If you haven't heard the news (which is weird, because I've douchily been shouting it from the rooftops to martyr myself), I've given up alcohol for Lent. Here's how it's going so far.

Day 1: There's a half empty (half full?) bottle of Riesling leftover from my Grammy's party. I drank like 2 or 3 glasses during The Bachelor two days ago, all alone, but it wasn't enough to finish the bottle. I'm not sure what the fate of this half bottle will be, but it sure is taunting me from atop the fridge.

Day 2: It's Valentine's Day, so Chris and I are going out for a romantic dinner, if that's even possible when you've been together since 2007 and there's no wine involved. The meal was delicious, despite the fact that it included frog's legs that looked like THIS:

My food has it's own butt. Nevertheless, they were delicious and they didn't kill the romance.

Monday, March 11, 2013

I'll Never Drink Again. Until Easter.

Last year after a particularly bad night out, a friend and I decided we were never drinking again. If you've ever drank before, you're probably nodding your head with a half smile, thinking "gurrrl, I've been there." And so had we, really. But we were getting older (somehow binge drinking at 23 is approximately one billion times worse than binge drinking at 21, in terms of the morning after), plus we had forced ourselves to go to a bridal expo the next day, which is not a very enjoyable hangover activity.

 This photo happened during the bridal expo. I definitely look hungover in the first pic. I look like I'm still drinking in the other two.

Saturday, March 9, 2013

What Do Jack White and Mary Louise Parker Have in Common?

So, I'm an idiot. The whole reason I decided to do a post on celebrity lookalikes was from a celeb lookalike duo who I forgot to even include in the post. So I'm adding it retroactively. Who are the twins I forgot? It's none other than Jack White, from The White Stripes, and Mary Louise Parker, from a lot of things, including Weeds.

Sunday, March 3, 2013

Whats up with...This Photo of Posh Spice?

I've learned a lot about the world so far in my 24 years of life. Many mind-boggling topics (calculus, the definition of "is," and how to use a washing machine, for example) became clearer to me during my time in college. Questions I had about the world--what's compound interest, why is the sky blue, and what's in your brother's dresser drawers--have gotten answered slowly but surely. For the most part, if I have a question about something, I can either look it up on Wikipedia or ask someone smarter than me, and I'm satisfied with this arrangement.

But there is one question that remains--a question I've had since 1997 that has never been answered:

What is up with Posh Spice's pose on the cover of the Spice Girls Spice album??

Image via Amazon