Thursday, February 7, 2013

4 of My Undomesticated Peeves

The other day I posted about embarrassing things that don't embarrass me, aka things I pretend to be embarrassed about when they happen, so people don't think I'm weird. Today, I'm going to talk about annoying things that don't annoy me (but you can bet your billy balls I pretend to be annoyed when they happen, ya know, just to fit in).

Up first is leaving the toilet seat up. Chris left the toilet seat up the other day and I was like "I should be absolutely appalled! I should yell at him, possibly whilst waving a rolling pin!" And then I was like "Why do I care, though?" I couldn't think of a reason to be mad. How is this any different from leaving a drawer open or a fly unzipped? Is this one of those marriage woes dreamed up by the likes of Everybody Loves Raymond? Is this part of the sit-com wife's plight that all men are bumbling idiots befuddled by yogurt and all women are under-appreciated and in desperate need of some yogurt-filled "me time?" I've already decided that yogurt will not play a role in my womanly diet since it's made out of spoiled milk and bacteria and other disgusting things. So maybe I can get out of being annoyed at my husband leaving the seat up too?

Screenshot via YouTube
The best/worst part of this commercial is the perfectly executed "I'm a confused dumbass" face the husband does.

Along the same vein is people who drink directly out of the milk carton. Dopey husbands and angsty teenage boys seem to be the biggest culprits here as well. While I would never drink directly from the milk carton (milk is strikingly similar to yogurt in composition, as you can imagine), I don't fault those who do. Maybe if some sweaty slob were drinking directly out of my wine bottle, I'd be a little pissed. But if it were a container I didn't plan on pouring from anyway, what harm can it do? It's one less glass I'll have to wash later, amirightladeez? If it really pisses you off though, just do what this guy did.

Screenshot via Buzzfeed

Can we take a second to talk about incessantly clicking pens, and other compulsive, nervous habits? Am I a reprehensible freak for not getting annoyed by this? I've seen people go completely apeshit with rage in the presence of a pen clicker. It's like humans are these rational, philosophical, productive creatures until/unless they're in the presence of a clicking pen. Then they revert to their basest animal instincts. You can click your pen all you want in my presence and I won't get mad. I might even join you in your mad clicking beatz. I don't mind if you tap your pen either, or do that weird swirly thing with it that everyone except me learned how to do in high school (that and the "Cupid Shuffle". I definitely didn't get the memo that people were learning how to do these things until it was too late).

Screenshot via YouTube
You really can learn anything on YouTube. I'm off for some continuing education!

Do public cell phone conversations bother you? I really don't mind it, to be honest. I get so much more peeved when someone I'm with takes a call in front of me, leaving me to sit awkwardly in silence, looking around the room, while they chatter on and on about their quotidian concerns. (Note: I only wrote this blog post so I could use the word "quotidian.") If a stranger on the train takes a phone call, that's fine by me. Unless the person is being obnoxiously loud, saying sexist things, or talking about sports, I'll be totally okay with it. In certain cases, it's a welcome distraction from the inanity that is my own life and affairs. According to science, however, we should all be annoyed by this. So maybe science should study me and why I'm the most tolerant person ever.

What common pet peeves do you welcome with open arms?


  1. It's all fun and games leaving the toilet seat up until you stumble into the situation full on wasted....

  2. Incessantly clicking pens ENRAGE me. But the pen-clicker I know doesn't just do a 'click... click... click.' No, it's more like 'clickclickclickCLICKCLICKCLICKCLICKCLICKCLICKCLICKCLICKCLICKCLICKCLICKCLICKCLICKCLICK!!!!!..... click..... click.... CLICKCLICKCLICKCLICKCLICKCLICKCLICKCLICK!' and then he realizes what he's doing and stops for 10 minutes before he starts clicking again.


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