This is what we look like when we talk to each other.
Scene: In the car, on a long road trip.
Me: So...are you reading any good books lately?
Chris: Yeah, that one about the Sino-Japanese War.
Me: Ughhhhh why do you always insist on reading such crap?
Chris: Uh...it won the Nobel Prize for literature.
Me: Oh. You win.
Scene: At the bank, depositing money with a teller. (I now have access to all of Chris's money! Yes!)
Chris starts filling out a deposit slip.
Me: There's actually no "u" in "forty."
Chris: Oh, whoops. [scribbles it out]
Bank Teller: [In thick, almost comical Indian accent] You must be careful, women always see everything. They are always watching. Even when they not there, they watching.
Chris: [chuckles, pause] Oh, it says I need the account number.
Me: [pointing at receipt] It's right here.
Bank Teller: See? They always watching. Everything you do!
Exeunt, cut to bank parking lot
Me: Be careful, it's icy.
Chris: You really are always watching.
"You're here to rob us? Hold on, let me get my flag!"
Scene: In our crackhouse of an apartment. Chris is holding a six foot American flag given to us by our mortgage lender as a gift for closing on our house.
Chris: [Swinging flagpole around, ninja style] Maybe we should keep the flag rolled up like this so we could use it as a weapon, to protect us from intruders.
Me: I thought we were gonna mount it on our new house.
Chris: Yeah, but while we still live in this apartment at least, we should keep it handy. [Note: we live next to literal crackheads/juggalos]
Me: Yeah, that's probably a good idea.
Chris: Wouldn't that be the most American thing ever, if we beat up an intruder with an effing American Flag??
Me: [laughing] That really would be patriotic of us. I actually hope this happens now. Maybe we should leave the chain lock off tonight.
Chris: You do realize that, in order for this to happen, we have to get robbed, right?
Scene: In my friend's living room.
Chris: You guys have a banjo??
Friend: Yeah, my roommate bought it a year ago with plans to teach himself to play via YouTube.
Chris: That's awesome.
Me: Chris actually asked for one for Christmas. I'm convinced he's secretly a hipster, despite being more down on hipsters than the New York Times.
Chris: I am not a hipster. Stop it.
Friend: What makes you think he's a hipster?
Me: For one, he started liking hipster music!
Chris: It's not hipster music! I'm just really into folky-bluegrass [trails off into long list of hipster words]
Me: He likes Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros. He also wears plaid flannel every damn day and has gone as a lumberjack for the past three Halloweens.
Chris: That's just how I dress! I liked plaid flannel shirts before hipsters thought they were cool!
Me: I rest my case.