Thursday, January 31, 2013

4 of My Least Embarrassing Moments

I get embarrassed really easily, as any good Millennial does. It's why we eschew telephone calls in favor of texting. It's why a show called Awkward exists. It's why I wrote The Awkward Person's Survival Guide (and since it clearly was an inadequate guide, I wrote a second guide as well). Given what a socially awkward outcast I am (while still being devastatingly beautiful, obvi), I have to admit there are certain embarrassing situations that I just don't feel embarrassed about. Sometimes people will recount horror stories of humiliating gaffes they've committed, and I just nod confusedly because I don't understand what they're so embarrassed about.

 Image via Animal-Space

Thursday, January 17, 2013

The Case of the 60s Wallpaper

I feel like I'm in an episode of Ghostwriter right now. If you haven't heard of Ghostwriter, first GTFO, then pull up a chair and I'll tell you about it. Ghostwriter was a show that aired on Sunday mornings when I was a kid, featuring a racially diverse cast of tweens who wandered Brooklyn unsupervised, solving mysteries with the help of a ghost who could write (hence the title) and a rudimentary form of the internet.

So why do I feel like Lenni Frazier right about now? So, the other day I was removing wallpaper in our bathroom (oh, we bought a house, by the way), and underneath it, I discovered this secret, hidden message that's been in the house for fifty years. It was as if Ghostwriter himself wrote it for me:

Thursday, January 10, 2013

Wiki Pages That Will Haunt My Dreams: Movies

Every time a new horror movie comes out, I say "well, I won't be seeing that" haughtily because scary movies are stupid. Actually, it's because I'm a-scared. I roll my eyes through the previews ("Look at that phenomenal acting!" and "they couldn't have done a better job with the CGI? Really?") and occasionally I'll even go on one of my anti-violence tirades: "In my day, we didn't need to use violence and gore to sell films! The world is so desensitized as it is!" Never mind that "my day" is famous for movies like I Know What You Did Last Summer and Scream, and I don't work in the film industry.

But in the back of my mind, the seed of curiosity is planted, and the urge to find out the movie's plot grows stronger. In the past I would satisfy this urge by ultimately watching the movies (eyes covered by my hands, of course). This worked out well for Rosemary's Baby, Jaws, and The Exorcist, which turned out not to be very scary. It didn't work out so well for The Ring or Sin City, both of which continue to haunt my dreams. (A wolf eats Elijah Wood alive in Sin City. I can't unsee that!)

Friday, January 4, 2013

What We Talk About When We Talk to Each Other

My husband and I have some pretty good conversations, which is great because we're stuck with each other forever. Usually we talk about fine wine, the theater, and the best silver polishing agents, but occasionally we lighten things up a bit. Here are some of the best conversations we had over the holidays:
This is what we look like when we talk to each other.