Saturday, July 3, 2010

5 Annoying Things Everyone Does During the Fireworks

1. Oohing and Aahing ironically
I get it—it’s fun to laugh at the idiots who are actually in awe of the fireworks year after year. But it’s hard to actually hear the idiots oohing and ahhing when there are so many people doing so ironically. It’s gotten to the point where the only oohing and ahhing going on is from these would-be comedians, so there’s no one left to make fun of.

2. Describing what each type of firework looks like
Yes, they look like sperm when they’re being launched, and yes, they look like spiders after they’ve exploded. Say it once and move on. Plus, it’s not like they’ve made any major pyrotechnic advances recently, so there can’t possibly be new fireworks that you haven’t seen before.

3. Picking a favorite type of firework
No one cares which one you like best. And if you insist on telling us, you only need to tell us you like the “swirly ones with the colors and the loud bang” once, not each time they shoot one of those off.

4. Saying “Okay folks, that’s the show!” every time there’s a lull
Sometimes the fireworks don’t come one after the other; sometimes one of the fireworks launchers gets distracted by a hot chick wearing an LRWBD (little red, white, and blue dress) and the audience has to suffer a brief pause without anything to ironically ooh and ahh over. That doesn’t mean you have the right to add to our suffering by making terrible jokes about how the show was really short this year.

5. PDA-ing on the lawn
Something about chemicals reacting and exploding in a tube, cascading ashes and miscellaneous debris on everyone, makes you really think about what’s important in life, ie. rolling around in the grass with your ball-and-chain, getting grass stains on your LRWBD.

Are you guilty of these offenses?


  1. Then what, pray tell, are we supposed to do during fireworks? Sit quietly?

  2. Hi Kari, hope you're having a good summer! I ran across this P.S.- I Made This blog the other day ( and it reminded me of your buttons vest/tank and button necklace, so I thought you might like the link.

    -Sarah (Writing center Sarah. Fellow member of the Awkward Club Sarah. this parenthetical note itself awkward? At least it's not as awkward as the guy on Wisconsin Avenue with the "free hugs" sign.)

  3. I was just at disneyland watching the fireworks show and the shitty kid behind me spent the entire time telling his mom that "that last firework was definitely the finale, no wait that one, no that one" it was SO annoying.

  4. bahahaha i understand
    number 2 is super annoying

    have a great day
    do follow my blog if you like
    little miss fhenny


  5. I hate PDA too, makes me puke esp if they're not good looking couple lol!


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