At first glance, an extended metaphor wherein sex is compared with a fast-food eating extravaganza doesn’t sound like it would work. At all.
But then you think of the various possibilities this particular analogy allows, for instance, “I just can’t get enough I got to drive through.” This line is perfect; in fact, I have previously found myself uttering this very string of words, both before steering my car down that magical window-lined path AND when faced with a fine male specimen. So the metaphor works.
A beacon on the horizon of an otherwise cold, cruel universe.
And the metaphor keeps on working: “Have it your way, foreplay/Before I feed your appetite.” Yes, you can have it your way, whether the menu contains a Whopper Jr. or a li’l gropey action. And the bit about the appetite? It gives me a bit of an appetite for a little JT with a side of fries.
Aphrodisiac to the stars.
“Do you like it well done, cause I do it well.” By far, the best line in the song. Although this little ditty sounds like it was penned by friggin idiots at an idiodyssey convention, it’s lines like this that prove otherwise. (FYI, I do like it well done, because E. coli is a very real concern.)
This is his “Yeah, dat’s right” pose.
So by this point you’re probably convinced that, hey, maybe this extended metaphor isn’t so bad. Maybe JT actually knows what he’s talking about. I mean, he is single-handedly responsible for both deflowering Ms. Spears AND spawning the “I’m Lovin’ It” phenomenon.
Ba da ba ba ba...
But wait, you missed the line where he compared his spread-eagled lady friend to a cheap pancake joint: “I’ll have you open all night like an IHOP.” Well, we should count our blessings—at least he didn’t say Waffle House.
I know at least one singer who’d prefer this place.
Shortly thereafter, he drops this bomb: “I can tell the way you like it, baby, supersized.” This line means one of two things: 1) you look like a cheap ho (the kind who goes to IHOP) or 2) you look like Michelle Duggar and thus require something supersized to even register that you're being inseminated yet again. Either way, not a compliment. Strike two, Timbaland ft. JT.
Strike three comes from a purely linguistic standpoint: “Baby get my order right, no errors/Imma touch you in all the right areas.” I’m sorry, but it is NOT okay to rhyme “error” with “area.” He could have chosen any number of words to rhyme with “area,” for instance, “
So what do you think—does this metaphor work or not?