Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Top 10 Worst Things Your Professor Can Say

10. “I’ve decided not to cancel class next Monday after all.”

The only thing worse than having class on a Monday is thinking you don’t have class and then realizing you do.

True story.

9. “I need you all to purchase [insert incredibly dull book title here] by [insert “famous” scholar here] even though it wasn’t on the original book list. I think you guys will really enjoy it.”

If you wanted me to buy a book, you should have told me when I still had access to my dad’s credit card! And no, I won’t enjoy it.

8. “We were going to watch a movie, but now I don’t think we have time. I want you to check it out from the library instead and turn in a response paper.”

The ONLY time watching a movie about ancient philosophy/theology/assininity is exciting is when it’s taking up precious class time. Couch potato time is for serious exploits like Tool Academy and Mad Men, not your silly educational video. And we better be able to use Wiki for the paper!

A much better use of one’s time.

7. “I’m going to be out of town next week, but luckily our fabulous TA has volunteered to sub.”

If you don’t have to be here, why do I? P.S. Can the TA sub for you every day? He’s a better teacher.

6. “I just had this really zany idea for an assignment.”

No. Just no. If it involves dressing up like Queen Gorgo and doing a song and dance number in front of the class, I’m calling in sick for the rest of the semester.

That outfit is NSFSchool.

5. “Six to eight pages? No I think I said eight to ten.”

If it says 6-8 pages on the syllabus, you can bet I’m gonna turn in a 6 pager. Altering the

syllabus mid semester is even worse than altering the book list.

4. “Okay, put your notes away. You have 50 minutes.”

Tests suck. Especially sans notes.

Easiest test ever. I knew I should have been a math major.

3. “Here are the assignments for your group projects.”

Group projects suck even more (that’s why it’s lower on the list, people). Finagling schedules with underage drunkies who “might not be sober” when you want to meet, sorostitutes who have wet t-shirt contests to attend, and “busy” people who just don’t have time for yet another group project is absolute misery. I’ll just do the project myself, guys. Sign your names on the line when I’m done.

2. “…What do you think?”

I’m sure I’d think something if I’d heard the first part of your sentence. Unfortunately, I was too busy doodling pictures of what I’m going to eat for dinner to listen to you drone on about Chaucer.

Mmm. Dinner.

1. “Okay, class, let’s begin.”

How long is your class from start to finish? That’s how long you now have until you’re free. And the countdown begins.


  1. Oh!!!!

    Bows in respect....

    I have been there... SO been there....

  2. I must disagree with you about Queen Gorgo. If I could dress like that every day without possibly being segregated out of society, I would.

    10 Kudos for the Templeton reference though! <3

    -Almighty Unicorn

  3. That math one is even better because it is a 3-4-5 triangle, seriously just write down 5.

  4. bahahaha!!! too funny! ugh... group assignments! checking the movie out yourself and writing a response... that sounds like a major personal time killer.

  5. Group projects are the WORST! Someone always gets screwed.

  6. Haaaaaaaaaate group projects. Hate hate hate. I'm totally that person who just wants everyone else to leave me alone and let me do it myself. Get your grimy B- hands off of my GPA!

  7. Can you send me your balloon photo so I can add it to our Top 10 list for Shutter Love Tuesday. Thanks!!

  8. Hahaha this made my friday morning brighter. Thank God I finished school loooog time ago, though I'm taking masteral next year so I will bookmark this just for laugh... I also hate when prof says to read these pages but then he change it!

  9. and yet, you get lucky sometimes and have a prof who decides exams are stupid, therefore you won't have one, or a prof that says you won't have to buy the text book because he thinks 80$ is too much for any book (i wonder if that prof gets along with the profs in business, math or science?)

    it's those profs that make education a little less dull (: i hope you had some good ones this year!

  10. I love this! Group projects do stink! And I hate when they change the syllabus. Yay for English Classes...

  11. Number 10 is the worst!!!!!!!

    Hope :) xx

  12. You are so funny! I never formally went to college, but all of these would definitely cause me to sigh or be annoyed haha

  13. bahahahaha too funny! Looove this post!
    Have a great weekend girlie
    Summer :0)

  14. drunk commenting, i LIKE. i hope you are enjoying your alcohol induced state. what do you mean by canadian tuxedo btw aha?

  15. Oh... well enjoy school while you can... you'll miss it! Take my word for it :)
    Thanks for all your incredibly sweet comments! :D They really put a smile on my face!
    Have a wonderful weekend!
    P.S: Love the new blog design!

  16. well you learn a new thing every day don't ya? now i know what a canadian tuxedo is, thanks :)

  17. lol.........brilliant! Thank God those days are finished for me. Some lecturers were lecherous back then!


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