Mullet? Check. Ill-fitting red man-blouse stuffed with past-his-prime rocker? Double check.
2. They play commercials like this:
This is just shit. If you’d rather have a car than a woman, then dump your woman. You’d be doing her a favor, ya douche.
3. Every minute in football time is approximately 5 minutes in intelligent people time. I have no patience for long sports events and even less patience for an unreliable countdown clock.
4. You can’t even see if the football players are hot because they cover their bods with exorbitant padding and their faces with stupid pointless helmets.
5. When they do remove those stupid helmets, all you want is for them to put them back on.
How is this the body of a professional athlete?
6. Following sports is just as fruitless as following reality shows, and I already have my hands full in the mind-numbingly terrible television shows department.
I’m thinking of adding “
7. I can eat hot wings whenever I want. And let’s face it, hot wings are pretty much the only selling point to this sport.
8. The little jingle they play on TV when there’s a football game REALLY bothers me for some irrational reason.
9. Men become significantly assier when the game is on. Just re-watch the commercial above for proof. I’d rather not witness/condone this.
10. I still don’t even know the rules of football. I just know that the clock is stopped at arbitrary times and the ball only looks like it goes between the two poles every time, when really it actually misses sometimes.
Okay, what are your reasons for skipping out on the Stupidbowl?