Friday, February 26, 2010

Confession Friday

Since it’s Lent and all, I figured in addition to vegetarian Fridays I’d also do some confessing like a good Catholic. These are my confessions:

I always set the “will return” clock at work for 8 am when I close up, so that my boss will feel guilty if she comes in late the next morning.

take that, boss!

I once changed the Wikipedia entry for “edible underwear” to say they could be made out of salami. It lasted a month or so before some fun-killer noticed and took it down
Imagine if that said "salami with chocolate" instead. Now we're talking.

Speaking of chocolate, I eat chocolate chips by the handful when there’s no real chocolate in the apartment.

I secretly love Lifetime original movies. Especially when they’re about teenagers getting pregnant or having inappropriate relations with their teachers or hunting down their rapist or running from a murderous stalker. I’m watching one now called Fifteen and Pregnant. It’s better than She’s Too Young, but not as good as Babysitter Seduction.

Also starring Emma from Degrassi!

What is everyone else guilty of? Come on, fess up!

Wednesday, February 24, 2010


I found another blog to add to my reader today: 1000 Awesome Things. It’s basically a countdown of the simple pleasures in life, one posted every day. If you’re still feeling blue even after I cheered you up yesterday, check out this blog. It may just get you thinking about all the reasons there are to be happy. I was inspired to make my own small list, just off the top of my head, of awesome things.

Tiny Apartments:

Have you ever been to Ikea and seen the teeny tiny model apartment that somehow fits a family of four into basically a shoebox and looks good doing it? I wish I lived there. Something about really small living spaces appeals to me—maybe it’s because they look so comfy-cozy, or maybe it’s because there are fewer places for axe murderers to hide. I also love to look at Apartment Therapy’s Small Cool Contest pictures. Please, God, Let me have a smaller apartment next year!

Compliments from Strangers:

Today a stranger said she liked the little yellow bow on my headband, even though I was avoiding eye contact with her (I’m awkward). I always envision people complimenting me on my hairdo/outfit/yellow bow/or whatever, but usually I get nothing. So when a stranger gives a compliment, it makes up for all those other times. I also like to think that the bow on my headband made it onto someone else’s list of awesome things that made them smile today.

I’m adding this headband to my list too. And do I really still wonder why people think I'm a child?

This Picture:

And you all think I like too many colors!

I wish this were my room. How calm and peaceful would it be to sit in that white chair and read a book while that tree scrapes the window from outside? I miss trees sometimes. I’d almost forgotten what they look like, since the few trees left in this city are leafless and covered with snow.

The Sound of a Can Being Popped Open:

So satisfying. Especially if it’s Diet Pepsi.

Singing (in the privacy of my own home):

Especially singing along to show tunes or BeyoncĂ©-worthy power ballads, and especially when you hit a really high note and hold it for just a few seconds too long. I just hope my walls aren’t too thin.

My only regret is not being as sexy as Susan.

Snow in my Hair:

Not this much snow.

Okay, sometimes it looks like dandruff. But it also looks really pretty when the sun hits it just right, in those few short moments before it melts. There’s something poetic about the fleetingness of it all. (I’m starting to become a douchey philosophizer. Sorry.)

Things that Make you Laugh Even When You're Alone:

Nic Cage as a Unicorn, from Nic Cage as Everyone, blogged about here.

I don’t know why, but this picture made me laugh so hard, and it still does every time I look at it. Or think about it. I love when you accidentally think about something really funny in class and you have to pretend to cough or sneeze in order to not laugh. Everything is funnier when you’re not allowed to laugh (or when it involves Nic Cage).

What’s on your awesome list?

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

How to Be Happy

Lately I’ve been feeling a little down because of my impending ceremonious expulsion from college, aka graduation. In the past I’ve reverted to unhealthy means to making myself feel better, such as wallowing in self pity, bingeing on cookie dough, or yelling at my family. But these methods always leave me feeling much worse in the long run. So what’s a (sad) girl (or guy) to do? Here are some healthier alternatives that I’ve discovered throughout the past few months:


She gives off a little bit of a creepy vibe, but she gets the job done.


If you know me at all, you know I’m not really the “exercising type.” I cannot participate in feats of strength, tests of agility, or endeavors of endurance. I have poor balance, little to no flexibility, and nothing to wear to a gym. So I hear ya when you say “nah, exercise makes me feel worse.” But seriously, working out really does boost mood-enhancing endorphins. At the very least, it feels so good when you stop! I highly recommend Jillian Michaels’s “30 Day Shred,” because nothing makes me happier than hearing her say “It’s time for our cool down, and boy do we deserve it.”

Eat Some Dark Chocolate:

It beats broccoli, that’s for damn sure.


I know I just berated my past self for using food to make myself feel better, but hear me out. Chocolate is full of antioxidants/flavonoids (or whatever—the jargon’s not important) which basically makes it a health food. It can help prevent hypertension, heart disease, signs of aging, etc. Chocolate also boosts serotonin levels in the brain, the same thing some prescription anti-depression drugs do. It’s better than a drug because it’s cheaper, not addictive, healthier, and you don’t have to go to a skeazy doctor to get your fix. Just make sure you get dark chocolate (65% cacao or more) or else the health benefits will be upstaged by your expanding waistline (see “cookie dough,” above).


Just don’t try to get your unsolicited writing published. It’s most likely crap.


You can write whatever you want—vent your feelings in a journal like you’re some kind of adolescent girl (kidding!), write a story about the happiest person alive, write a letter to a friend (or an imaginary friend, if your depression stems from not having any friends). You could even write a mean letter to someone you hate telling them eloquently why they should kiss you where the sun don't shine (just don’t send it, obvi). I did this last one once and it worked wonders.


See, he doesn’t look like a moron


This one is particularly hard for me, because sometimes I get into such a rut that I have to consciously hold back laughter when someone tells a joke because I need to remind myself that I’m not in a laughing mood. This is stupid. Don’t be like me: look in the mirror and smile, even if you feel like a moron. Supersmart psychology researchers have discovered that faking a smile tricks your brain into thinking it’s happy. Similarly, frowning makes you feel angry/sad, even if you’ve forgotten what irks you. So turn that frown upside down. If you really can’t bring yourself to smile, hold a pen in your mouth as if it is a rose and you are about to tango (it mimics a smile). If the mood strikes you, do an impromptu tango as well.

Make a List of Things You're Looking Forward To:

When did this blog become so happy hands at home granny circle?


I like lists, as you can tell. I think everyone does. Plus, seeing all the things you have to look forward to, from having pizza for dinner that night, your spring break trip next month, going to a wedding in the summer, or buying your first briefcase in a few years (my own personal list) will make getting through your current funk a little easier.

If All Else Fails:
Here's another blog post on the subject, and this article provides 50 ways to get happier (many of which require you to travel to New York and subsequently drop a load of cash). One of their tips is to “Leave your mouth in that slightly upturned position it takes after saying ‘Cheez Whiz’” to make yourself feel more confident.

So is Ashley Olsen trying to be more confident, or is she just constantly talking about cheese in a can?


Wow, I'm feeling happier already! What do you guys do to feel better when you're down?

Monday, February 22, 2010

Canceled Before Their Time

Some television shows get canceled before they even finish airing a full season (or even a full episode). Some show a season or two before getting canceled. Many of these shows deserve to be canceled because they are boring, asinine, inhumane, or otherwise distasteful. But we’ve all had the experience of falling in love with a series only to have it snatched away by those evil media execs before we even get any kind of conclusive finale. The worst part is that other series seem to have an inexhaustible fan base and just keep on cranking out episode after episode, when other quality television is put on “indefinite hiatus.” And some shows that deserve to be canceled are somehow magically revived even though they suck more than Megan Hauserman (see below). Here are some of my favorite shows that were canceled before their time:

Do Over

This half hour comedy aired on the WB back in 2002. The basic premise of the show was that a 34-year-old man gets electrocuted, which all television writers know can cause very curious things to happen. In this case, the guy gets sent back to the 80s as his high school self, with all his adult memories intact. He uses this freak accident to his advantage and fixes everything that went wrong for him in high school. Up-tempo 80s hits and parachute pants abound. I developed a huge crush on Penn Badgely (now of Gossip Girl fame) because of this show, yet now that I look at him I’m embarrassed to admit that. Back when it was on (for a mere 11 episodes), I couldn’t find anyone who watched it. I still can’t.

A teenager wearing grown-up clothes? Now that’s comedy.

Freaks and Geeks

Freaks and Geeks has become somewhat of a poster child for unfairly canceled television. It is the epitome, the paradigm, the archetype if you will, of short-lived TV shows. The problem is most people saw this show on DVD years after it was canceled, which apparently does nothing to help with its past ratings. The show didn’t really have a premise, unless you count a bunch of high school kids living awkwardly in Michigan in 1980 a premise. There was a group of “freaks,” who smoked, drank, said stupid things, and tried to start a band. Then there was a group of geeks who played card games, watched porn, and dreamt of being cool. While the show only lasted one season, many of the actors have gone on to become very successful, namely James Franco.

Was this face not enough to keep the show going?

Megan Wants a Millionaire

I only saw a few episodes of this (multiple times because VH1 replays all of its shows ad nauseum). I have to say I don’t actually regret its demise because it was, for all intents and purposes, complete shit. The premise of this show is a familiar one: a Z-List reality star (Megan Hauserman of Beauty and the Geek, Rock of Love, I Love Money, and Charm School fame) dates a dozen guys at once and eliminates them one by one until she’s found Mr. Right Now. The only twist was that they were all alleged millionaires and she openly accepted material gifts instead of genuine personal interactions. So why was this cash cow abandoned? One of the contestants killed his wife and then himself after he got eliminated (yeah I’m just as confused as you are), so they thought it was poor taste to continue airing the episodes. Alas, Megan will be back in a new show any day now. It’s only a matter of time.

Pictured: the heavily photoshopped future of television


Like Do Over, no one actually watched this show except me. No one on it is even famous today, unless you count Leslie Bibb’s stint as an Almay spokesperson. The premise, like so many late, great television shows, is a bunch of kids trying to get through high school. Similar to Freaks and Geeks, there is a group of popular people and a group of unpopular people. Their lives are comically thrown together when the popular leader’s dad gets engaged to the unpopular leader’s mom. Hilarity, “very special” moments, and non-sequiturs ensue, until people woke up and realized everyone on the show was played by a 35-year-old. Then it was canceled.

See? They were old.

Dog Eat Dog

I only saw a few episodes of this game show, but maybe that’s because there were only a few to begin with. It ran for a little over a year, making contestants do stupid challenges that usually resulted in the contestant falling into a pool and wearing a wet t-shirt. Contestants chose which other contestants had to participate in these challenges with them, much like a dog eating another dog…There was also a lot of bikini-wearing and general sluttiness. Compared to long-running game shows like Wheel of Fortune and Family Feud, I’d say Dog Eat Dog got the shaft.

I can’t say I actually miss this one

Which of your favorite shows were canceled before their time?